hello goodbye

My next blog was suppose to be about my trip back home to Hawaii, but I found it hard to write when there was something else weighing on my heart. Hello--what an interesting concept. It's a form of change that I tend to deal with much better than with goodbyes. And yet, should it not be just as scary? In a first meeting, impression, or interaction, you find yourself still in this state of vulnerability, where new ideas and experiences flow freely from one person to another. Fear of being judged or rejected can easily keep people from experiencing everything that a hello has to offer. Why then, is it so difficult for me to say goodbye at times? Should I not just be grateful for the hellos that started each amazing adventure in my life? What am I holding on to?

Coming into my second and final year as an ALT in the JET Programme, I often think of the inevitable goodbyes waiting for me at the end. Like a criminal making their way through the crowd towards the guillotine, I find myself thinking more and more about the sadness and heartbreak that awaits. With every pure moment I come across, whether it be sipping coffee in the teacher's room laughing with the staff or gazing at the stars from a friend's balcony at 2am, I find my heart feeling heavier and heavier, unable to fully appreciate the full significance of the moment for fear that someday it will cease to exist. A memory forgotten, a time that can only be revisited in my dreams where nothing's real.

It wasn't until recently that I realized how dangerous this way of thinking was; how such dark undertones could severely affect the second half of my JET career. This past weekend, we had a big JET beach party for the new incoming ALTs of Yamaguchi. It was a weekend full of hellos. I got to know a lot of new people, their backgrounds, their ways of thinking, their dreams and aspirations. It was a really refreshing experience for me, after having said goodbye to so many friends in July. And in these moments, I found myself revitalized as I was not thinking about the goodbyes that would someday be associated with each hello. Instead, I found myself excited for all the hundreds upon thousands of adventures waiting to be had, as though each hello was like a portal to a new world.

With this new mindset, I find myself looking forward to this new year: to the sleepovers at friends' houses, to the traveling across Japan, to the 6am train rides after a night out in Hiroshima, to the midnight 7-11 chuhai runs, to the situations that make my jaw drop and leave me with the words "Oh, Japan" to explain the ridiculousness of it all, to the moments where I stand in amazement that I'm actually living in Japan, and finally, to the day that I'll say my final farewell to Japan and it's amazing people, and thank it for an amazing and life-changing 2 years.

L to R: Brandon, me, Alice, and Michelle. Brandon&Michelle are awesome Oshima-mates :) Alice is the new beautiful Yanai JET.

Me w/the new Kudamatsu team: Steph and Kyle. I heart Steph's quirkiness and Kyle's genuineness.

Another eastsider, Nate...snow, cars, and wine...instant win ;)